


and a needing to let go of tidal pain

by allisonmartined



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-26
Updated: 2012-07-26
Packaged: 2017-11-10 18:54:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/469566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allisonmartined/pseuds/allisonmartined
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>He was never really good at distinguishing friendship from love.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	and a needing to let go of tidal pain

With Lydia, it had been quick, immediate.  He latched on to her immediately.  She was beautiful, sure, glorious in all her perfection.  But he preferred the puzzle.  He latched on to her because she was smart and funny in a way that cut into him.  Idly, he thinks he liked her because she was _mean_ in all her sharp wit.  He liked that she could outsmart him, outthink him, if she only wanted to.  He liked her _cruelty_ in all it's harshness.  But, more than that, he liked what he suspected, what he _knew_ , lay beneath it.

 

He was never really good at distinguishing friendship from love.  Deep platonic affection from raw want and need.  They seemed to meld into one another until it was just a massive ball of energy and awe.  So, in the end, it wasn't that surprising that he thought he was in love with her.  It wasn't that surprising that he mistook fascination and odd connection and attraction for love.  It wasn't that surprising.  In the end.

 

With Derek, though, it was different.  It was slow and agonizing and all consuming.  He thought it would be easier this time, but his heart feels perpetually broken and he doesn't know how to fix it, how to change it.  And he doesn't even know if he wants to. He does, he does.  

 

Derek is strong, and smart, and _kind_ , underneath all of it.  He is a pillar that Stiles wants to cling to.  He is a warmth that he wants to drown in.

 

Lydia was a burn in his throat.  And Derek is a kick to his gut.  

 

God, when did he stop breathing?  When did his lungs start to give out without warning?  

 

He steels himself, sucks it all down, and smiles.  

 

Lydia gives him a knowing look and he looks away.

 

It wasn't that surprsing. In the end.

**Author's Note:**

> title from 'dark undercoat' by emily jane white.  
> ack, idk what this is.


End file.
